Recently, my daughter was married. For a father, this is one of the most emotional times. One part of me wanted to keep my daughter a little girl -- the other part was anxious to see her grow up and face the next challenge of her life. My fear was that it could also be a time where things didn't go as planned. Fortunately, my daughters wedding was fabulous! Most of the credit for this goes to my wife and daughter, but maybe some of these tips will help other dads out there navigate this difficult time - feel free to share.
Tip #1 - Be quiet! Although you may have the best intentions, you have what we like to call a learning curve. First, there are dozens of planning meetings that you have not attended. You have only a small sliver of information. Also, your emotional stake in this comes from a different vantage point. It may be a blow to your ego, but you are just one of the actors in this drama - you must know your role. I still remember the stare - it came from my precious daughter and my lovely wife simultaneously - it seemed to say "listen, we love you, but it's imperative to your health that you keep your advice to yourself -- we've got this -- we don't have time to explain -- please just step aside and let us do what we have been training to do!" I felt like the guys that touched the ark in Raiders of the Lost Ark, I instantly knew I had overstepped my bounds.
Tip #2 - Have a Budget This is the first thing I did. This was my project. I asked for everyone involved to give me estimates for things like the dress and the caterer and the flowers. Once we had estimates, I set limits on each of the areas. Anything that exceeded the estimates would have to be paid by the bride and groom (this was harder on us that on them). If this wedding was estimated to cost $6000, then we divided that by the 12 months we had left and put it in the budget to save $500 a month. Then my wife and daughter went to work looking for "deals." The best thing is they actually found stuff like chair covers and back drops and other decorations that people had in their garage for free. No matter what the budget, it can be reasonable if you have a plan.
Tip #3 - Have a Good Time! Remember the wedding is supposed to be a celebration! One of the most important things to my daughter was that everyone danced at the reception. It didn't matter whether I liked to dance; because it wasn't about me! In the long run, it went something like this, "We spent all this money - we're going to have a good time if it kills me." The next day, I felt like it almost did, but it was worth it! So, what do you do if the mother of the bride is being a diva? Pick me, I know the answer to this because I witnessed it at another wedding! This bride simply said "you're driving me crazy - stop being a diva!" They laughed about it and moved on. Having fun has to be a goal - not just a hope!
Hope some of these things help. As guys, we are a little clueless about weddings. And then, when we try to help we often make it worse. If you know of other things that might help, feel free to comment because I still have another daughter to give away.
This was great advice Karl! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Laura and Abbey were certainly excellent deal-finders. I loved those chair covers.
ReplyDelete